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dereksangel4eva's journal
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noonie's diary  we've been back together for a couple weeks now. weird huh? last chance. let's see if he proves himself this time. i know we had hard times. i know there will be more, as long as we work through then together. then i'm up for anything. if u want to find my new journal, http://nooniegotgame.livejournal.co of this journal. it hold to many memories, and a name that is false. me and derek are over, and so is this livejournal. although, from time to time, i'll be on it, so i can read my memories. but this is goodbye, to this livejournal. and this is how it went: he broke up with me i slapped him we hated each other after awhile i began to miss him he misses me we talk again we miss what we had but theres no way we can be togther now and it sucks. i want him back to feel safe in his arms feel his lips again... i never felt this way about anyone and was never sure of anything until i met him. there are guys interested in me. and i could care less. they don't evem measure up to derek at all. nothing compares to him. and not not just saying that bc im some sort of weak person. i feel so meant for this guy, and i don't know what to do. i feel like how we were right before we went out. as much as i like that feeling i want him to be mine. hmmm who knows where things will end up but in the end i hope it ends with us together so he broke up with me. figures. i can't stand this it's going to be so hard and i stil love him and he stil loves me and im still so confused god help me so i had prolly the best weekend in a long time. bc i got out of the house, away from my problems hanging with my friends. then when i get home it all comes back derek confuses me im so confused idk what to do anymore i want this to work out so badly i just hope what the future holds is something good. i've has a hell of a month i dont want another one like it. things have gotten so much better kdsjg roie gje i can't wait til me and derek are off break he thinks i dont want to be with him anymore if only he knew hmm? i cant wait. and this weekend has been all bout me having fun with my friends its greattt. im fixing to go spend the night and help lynds babysitttt with izzie n hannah they have pool =] yay fun ahhh happiness all around. hmm he is right there and we are on a break we are acting like friends but the truth is. i miss him like hell i do. it pains me not to kiss him not to hold him in an affectionate way but we still say i love you which kinda hurts more but this is the best for us until things calm down then we'll start up again and i can't wait til that happens. i'm dying over here. ok so. had a convo w/ derek on the phone last awhile but not the way i wanted it to spent the entire time evaluating our relationship and just whether or not we'll make it. God, i hope we do. i never met anyone like derek and id hate to see all we have just thrown away i just want us to hold on we can i know we can or am i just foolish? blahhh things are just so not right i dont want to fall into depression again but sometimes i feel like i am falling back into what i was and i just want me and derek to be the same we have had many arguements this past month. i know love never runs smooth but this is driving me crazy. we've never been put to the test quite like this. blahhhhhhhhh. why can't things just go my way for one day just one so nothing nothing goes wrong. but its life so i guess i'll never have that day. everything has changed so much and i dont like it. =[ |
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